So, who's next?

This is the kind of drivel that keeps the print media alive. When no real news occurs, and god forbid we'd go looking for some, we wait for the annual press handout from an organization that ... believes bad fiction writing not only deserves to be recognized and honored, but bad sex in fiction is even more compelling. LONDON (AP) A cringe-inducing passage which compares a sexual encounter to battle with an one-eyed mythological monster was awarded Britain's Bad Sex in Fiction Prize on Monday. The editors of the Literary Review magazine said best-selling American author Jonathan Littell won the prize for describing a sex act as "a jolt that emptied my head like a spoon scraping the inside of a soft-boiled egg." The offending passage compared female genitalia to various Greek fiends, including the mythical monster Gorgon and "a motionless Cyclops whose single eye never blinks." (I guess it's better than calling it a beaver, huh?) The story goes o

PETA would be better served if it tried to be slightly more mature. It's hard to tell which is dumber -- the turkey or the people who defend its constitutional rights. A lso remember that PETA was once on record as saying we needed to use human breast milk to make ice cream because milking a cow was cruel. I go along with that one. RALEIGH, N.C. (AP) Four NBC affiliates broadcasting the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade are banning a commercial promoting veganism sponsored by People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals. The commercial depicts a young girl saying grace at Thanksgiving, giving thanks for "the turkey farms where they pack them into dark, tiny little sheds for their whole lives."

Another awe-inspiring report, this one out of Terre Haute, also known as ... well, never mind. It seems there's a battle of vocabulary going on between a "horrified" Muslim and a completely clueless Baptist preacher. The sign outside the Bible Baptist Church was recently posted with the message, "Jesus died and rose and lives for you. What did Allah do." Saagarika Coleman says she was horrified when she saw the sign on her way to school. She says the message seems like an unchristian challenge to Muslims. Pastor Bob Parker (said) the sign wasn't meant to be derogatory toward Islam. He says its message simply meant that "the founder of Christianity still lives." Hint to the Muslims: Get over it. Hint to the clueless preacher: If you meant something else, then say what you mean.

Another AP gem, this time reporting on the Post Office's decision to scrap Santa letters. This is another zero-tolerance event that reminds us Dilly Do-Gooders of the need to be careful about what we wish for. I am amused by the entire episode. It's what we deserve. NORTH POLE, Alaska (AP) The Postal Service is dropping a popular national program begun in 1954 in the small Alaska town of North Pole, where volunteers open and respond to thousands of letters addressed to Santa each year. Replies come with North Pole postmarks.Last year, a postal worker in Maryland recognized an Operation Santa volunteer there as a registered sex offender. The postal worker interceded before the individual could answer a child's letter, but the Postal Service viewed the episode as a big enough scare to tighten rules in such programs nationwide. People in North Pole are incensed by the change North Pole Mayor Doug Isaacson agreed that caution is necessary to protect children. But he's outr

I have decided to invite my friends to visit the blog. This didn't come as much of a shock to me, once I realized I needed to establish a definition of "friends" that could loosely be associated with an opinion blog. Blogs are rather curious tools that feed our own sense of security in the world. When nobody else is paying attention, we've written down our thoughts, posted them on the ever-permanent Internet and left them there for everyone to see. Everyone, dammit. That means you and you and you and the entire population of Nigeria, Switzerland, Rhodesia, Indochina and Budapest. (Where in F... is Rhodesia, he asks?) Just so you know, I get lots of FW ... emails from my friends, some of them old stuff, some of them retreads, lies, amusing cartoons drawn by folks who have even more time to squander than I do. If I really wanted to get your attention, I'd post the photos of the Internet model named September Carrino. Women would be offended, I think. I will post thi

I came across this bit of tangible drivel the other day and found it worth adding to my up-till-now useless blog. It's from the livescience.com online news journal: Though you might not be able to run away from your problems, moving to another state could be good for the soul. New research suggests U.S. states with wealthier, better educated and more tolerant residents are also happier on average. The reasoning is that wealthy states can provide infrastructure and so it's easier for residents to get their needs met. In addition, states with a greater proportion of artists and gays would also be places where residents can freely express themselves. On average, well-being was highest in the Mountain states and West Coast states, followed by the Eastern Seaboard and then the Midwest and Southern states. The researchers note that because a state scores high or low doesn't mean you could pluck out a resident and expec

In story, song and concept, we live out the seasons. They all mean pretty much the same thing to everyone, even if we express them in different ways. I have discovered as I mature that I enjoy autumn perhaps the best. I think it's just prettier. I got to thinking recently that if you were given a choice of two months during a year that you could live, which ones would they be? One rule would be that only so many people could actually occupy that month, so if it was full, you'd need to select an alternate. Most of us would probably choose May, or perhaps June. I'd go for October, with June a close second. A lot of folks like the holidays, so they'd go for December. I doubt anybody would select January or February. Maybe February, if you have a Valentine's sweetie. The worst month is August. It's seedy, hot and buggy. November and April are the wild cards. Unpredictable but interesting because of that. September is rather interesting and it's back to school. F