A story worth repeating

Evidence that other-world creatures have indeed come to Earth has been deciphered. At first, it made no sense. Naturally, the creatures speak and write in a different language. But the small bits of paper came together nicely for the students at Brainard College, N.D.

Apparently, on one cold December night in 2002, the ship landed quietly in a bean field not far from where its inhabitants believed was a source of civilization. The lights in the distance were bright. Machines were moving about rather freely. The place was a 24-hour convenience mart.

As it turned out, the bits and pieces of paper that were picked up by a group of Scouts who were cleaning the North Dakota roadside were unique enough that they caught the eye of their faculty adviser. He turned the scraps over to the Humanities Department at Brainard.

Eight years of work have paid off. Here's what the scraps said.

"We came to Earth in search of intelligent life and, finding none, we returned to our ship. Our commander asked how we were able to discern this information and we replied: We asked them to take us to their leader. They refused. We asked again. They refused. We have determined that Earth inhabitants do nothing all day but stand around with their penises stuck in their ears."

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