Oh, the duckmanity

This just in from New Bedford, Mass.

It seems that witnesses were abundant and video cameras trained to catch the horrible, despicable crime just as it occurred. Nope, Joshua Linhares couldn't avoid his fate. And well he should not. After all, he was accused, convicted and condemned for ...

running over and killing a mother duck walking her 12 ducklings across a Massachusetts mall parking lot.

Somebody actually counted the little ones. Josh gets a year probation and the life-ending scar of having been ridiculed as perhaps one of the most evil people since the Salem witch hunts of 1988.

Witnesses say Linhares deliberately drove at the ducks, turning sharply and speeding up. Surveillance video from nearby stores supported their account.

Mr. Stalin ... er, Linhares said he didn't see the ducks because he was distracted by a woman waving her arms at him. He says he left the scene because he panicked. I know I would if I'd just run down a mother duck in a parking lot. What exactly did Josh have in mind that fateful day?

Prosecutors requested jail time but the judge was all Christmas-ey about it, I suppose.

Now, this is the part that blows my mind.

The ducklings were adopted by a family and then were released into the wild.

Exactly what did the family do? Rehabilitate the little critters?

You never hear about this sort of crap in places like Yemen or Moldavia.

Don't hear much at all from Moldavia, for that matter.

Quack.

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